Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
