I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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