I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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