I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize