we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
