Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
