You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
