I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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