What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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