pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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