I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
