I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
