I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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