okay pat passed out under dana's car
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
