watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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