How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
