theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
