My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
