It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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