I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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