Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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