whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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