WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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