my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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