i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
