Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
