I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
