i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
