I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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