after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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