She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
