it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We left an ass print on the piano.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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