Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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