Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
