They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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