i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
