How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
