On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
