I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
