dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
