Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
