Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
