i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize