Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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