So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize