Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
