I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize