Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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