I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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