If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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