Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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