I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
