STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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