I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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