Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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