guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
