i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Alive.
So much puke
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
