He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
