thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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