I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
