I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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