i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
