whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
