Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
