so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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