There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
