He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize