ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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