So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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