Already got asked if we're dating
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
