wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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