I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize