just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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