Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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