I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
