Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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