I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
