chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize