I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
