if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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