are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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