is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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