can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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