Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
