no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
