I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
