i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You ruined the universe
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
