I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
