And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
