two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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