I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize