He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
