U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
