her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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