Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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