Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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